What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is! the difference between a Harley & a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
What's the difference between a girlfriend & a wife?
What's the difference between a boyfriend & a husband?
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband & a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine & BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
What would you call it when an Italina has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying half-mast?
What's the difference between a southern zoo & northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage alon with....."a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80 yr old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80 yr old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale & a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." & a southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s...t"
Laugh when you can, Apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change. Kiss slowly, Play hard, Forgive quickly, Take chances, Give everything and Have NO Regrets. Life is too short to be ANYTHING but HAPPY!!!