The Rules of a Blow Job for Girls and Guys!!!
WHAT A GIRL HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule ..1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule ..3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule ..5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really Want puke on your member (taking out the bad words).
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it thru your head...I'm bloated & I feel like crap so no, I dont feel particular;y obligated to blow you just because you cant have sex right now.
9. Extension to ..8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leavin me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment & be happy that we're good at it. See also rule...2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow
jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either
sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to
"kiss it good morning."
WHAT A MAN HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT
1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone younger, prettier & dirtier who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish. (AMEN!!)
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful Im not pullin your hair.
5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the
only way to stop you from [banned] and moaning. Suck it up!
6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. Trust me.
7. You b-i-t-c-h about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.
8. At least there is no danger of a member bleeding in your mouth.
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the booty, too. We like that.
12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat & looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep."
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on
your face, now will you?
Laugh when you can, Apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change. Kiss slowly, Play hard, Forgive quickly, Take chances, Give everything and Have NO Regrets. Life is too short to be ANYTHING but HAPPY!!!