A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on its final approach.
The pilot comes on the PA, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to Thank-u for flying with us today & I hope you enjoy stay in Toronto"
He forgets to switch off the PA system, & the whole plane can hear his
conversation with his co-pilot. The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper,
watcha gonna do in Toronto?"
"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel & take a
big crap, then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner, then I'm gonna wine & dine her, take her back to my room & put it to her big time all night long!"
Everyone on the plane hears this & immediately begins looking up & down
the isles trying to get a look at the new stewardess.
Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She's so
embarrassed that she tries to run to the [banned] to turn the intercom off.
Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag & falls on her face.
The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gonna take a [banned] first."
This is hilarious..An elderly couple, Margaret & Bert, are in California. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house & says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looks him over, "Nope." Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, & walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a lil loider this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looks up & says, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down
today, it was hanging down yesterday, & it'll be hanging down again
Furious, Bert yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope," she replies. "IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!" To which Margaret replies..."Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."
Laugh when you can, Apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change. Kiss slowly, Play hard, Forgive quickly, Take chances, Give everything and Have NO Regrets. Life is too short to be ANYTHING but HAPPY!!!