Training Update

General information, views and opinions on activities at Put-in-Bay.

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Training Update

Post by WCM » Wed Jun 29, 2005 3:56 pm

First, this is really long, but if you're bored at work, what else are you going to do?

OK, you may recall asking for suggestions from me a few weeks ago about how to train for PIB. Well, I happen to write a little summary (minus this past weekend) to log my training so I thought I would share. You won't know the most of the people or places in the story, but a little background on me might help:

I grew up in Cleveland and my parents bought a house on PIB in November 1988 (I was 10). So we visited the Island on weekends and for a week at a time until 1994 when my Mom decided we were just going to move there for the summer. I wasn't too happy, having to leave all my high school friends, but that soon ended. I worked on the Island from 1994-2000 and it was by far the best time of my life. When I graduated college (OU) I moved to Dallas, TX for work and now my Island visits are limited...I didn't even make it up last year b/c I was getting married and, well, binge drinking on the Island wasn't in the budget. But my parents are still spending their summers on the Island, so I always have somewhere to come back to. So my wife (Carie) and 3 of our friends (Josh, Jennie, and Razor) arrive tomorrow and plan on taking advantage.

Anway, here's my story:

The Post LSAT (Law School Admission Test) LSAT (Libations Summary After Test)

After getting a call from Seth last night, who, after hearing I was at the bar again, made a comment along the lines of, “Bill, getting a little worried about you buddy”, I decided to write this LSAT report just to provide a little perspective on how seriously I have been taking my training. I suppose the primary goal of this training is to avoid events similar to “The Spoon fest VM”, “The Tea-bagging Incident”, or the circulation of demoralizing Internet pictures of me passed out in a bar (Matt, Josh). We all know how the Island can treat amateurs (i.e., the guy who dropped all the glasses at The Brewery, immediately left the bar never to return to The Island again) and I didn’t want to put forth an amateur effort considering it has been nearly two years since my last visit.

To top it off, Poe decided to be cute and leave me the Darth Vader Bank message on my phone last night at 12:22…I don’t know why…in an effort to call me out maybe? Well, you missed me by about 20 minutes as I went to bed at midnight; if it wasn’t for the 6am wake-up call I require to make it to my job on time, I would have been up drinking. But alas, it was only Thursday night. Besides, I can’t really believe it was an attempt to call me out, I mean, Poe, just stick to 6 packs of Heineken and refusing to do shots of any kind and everything will be fine. You’ll still end up in a drunken stupor with some kind of food product on your pants, shirt, or hair at the end of the night.

Anyway, here is a synopsis of the events that have transpired since the day I took the test, June 6th.

Tuesday, June 7: Day 1 of training. It was really a mild day, considering training wasn’t supposed to start until tomorrow. But a last minute need for a substitute for the 9:30 Diamond Jaxx softball game meant that I was going to be up late anyway, so why not get drunk, right? Use those sulfites winos! There weren’t any day trips to Kelley’s involved, so I figured I would be OK to play. A pit stop at The Fox and Hound with Josh and Jennie, couple beers, and I was off to the game. I ended up 3 for 4 and had a couple decent plays in the outfield. But my night was tainted as I dove for one ball, skinned my knee, jacked up my thumb, and had the ball bounce off the heel of my glove as my skin was being ripped off my knee. And we lost the game. Oh well, I was just a sub.

Wednesday, June 8: Day 2 of training. Today was a day of returning to some of my glorious days of the past as Carie, Josh, Jennie, and I headed up to Two Rows for the Wednesday night dollar draft extravaganza. In 2001, I was pushing Norm status at this event, although I guess it was kind of different b/c no one knew who I was. But I was there a lot. The thing I have found with dollar beers (or cheap beer in general) is that it usually has bad side effects. The home brewed Two Rows beer is no different, especially if you stick to the Route 66 or other Amber Lager. I think many of us have had Thursday morning experiences in the bathroom post Greenery quarter draft nights…

So I had a few 66’s and made the transition to the more agreeable Honey Blonde b/c I am not sure how much my co-workers would appreciate being around me after a full night of 66’s. As the night wore on, it definitely was a trip down memory lane as the post work happy hour crowd shifted over to the young college crowd around 9:00. Even at 26, I suddenly felt old and had another “was I like that when I was that age” moment. Then again, I wasn’t too far away from drooling and dropping my pants, so who am I to criticize?

Thursday, June 9: Day 3 of training. Tonight is the start of the NBA finals, might as well go out drinking. Josh, Jennie, and I make the trip to the local BW’s and Razor decides to make his first appearance in The Underworld of Binge Drinking. Fresh and eager to drink after having his parents in town for several days, Razor thinks he can just jump right in on Day 3 of training and be all set. Well, that’s why they have mini-camp; that’s why there is spring training. You can’t just enter the big leagues and expect to start hitting dingers. So after crowding the plate all night, I send one in high and tight (i.e., Jaeger Bomb) just to let him know who’s in charge. I don’t think one of us made it to work on time on Friday and I don’t think I was the one.

Friday, June 10: Day 4 of training. Today was a rough day. Operating on minimal sleep, I manage to persevere and make it through my day of work. I think my heart was nearing self implosion around 2pm after the 15th cup of coffee (extra sugar) and energy drink from 7-11 kicked in. Still, a true professional earns his paycheck and I was going to earn mine. After all, it was only day 4 and I’ll be on the Island for 5 days, so better stop feeling sorry for myself.

There just so happened to be a work happy hour for some girl, who I don’t know, who is leaving the company. So I decided I would stop by and bid her farewell. Unfortunately, I didn’t know anyone who was going right away, so I wound up sitting at the bar with a Dallas Observer alternating between reading it, watching that off shoot boxing league, and slamming beers. The reliable binge drinking partners I am used to seeing can’t seem to arrive on time, find parking, or even take the time to run in and tell me what’s going on while the other circles the block. So they just go to another bar instead. And just as I found someone at this happy hour I knew too. But l left anyway; everyone has their comfort zone and The Corner Bar was not mine. I can only tolerate so much drinking alone by myself at a bar before I start to question myself. 2 hours and 5 beers was that limit.

Then off to Stan’s, where I don’t really remember what happened other than I got ruined. I think there was some kind of intense discussion about what is natural or if humans are above nature. Whatever. All I know is getting really drunk seemed natural to me at the time so I made one with nature as best I could. After a Long Island (that I couldn’t even finish) and what I suspect to be a payback shot of Jameson from Razor at The Dubliner, I was done. Park my car and take me home. A solid effort, but this was just one of those outings where you didn’t have your best stuff.

Saturday, June 11: Day 5 of training. I suddenly wake up at 7am and jump out of bed, running around the house, looking for Carie, screaming, “I’m late for work!” The Underworld has taken over – I don’t even know what day it is. Pass back out for a couple hours after realizing I don’t work on Saturdays.

Come back to reality around 9:30 and realize I am supposed to be somewhere: Razor’s pool at 10. Unfortunately, my car is still at the bar and Carie is getting her hair done. I guess this provides me an opportunity so take care of some things around the house, like pay the bills, clean, and cut the grass that I have carelessly neglected this week since I was busy drinking. Several chores, some harassing phone calls, and two hours later, Carie and I are at the pool with Josh, Jennie, and Razor. After pretending to be normal people for an hour, it’s time to go to the liquor store to get supplies for the day. A bottle of Absolute Citron, some Red Bull, and a case of beer jump in front of us at the store and we head back to the pool.

It’s amazing how popular you can be at a pool when you’re getting hammered, doing Citron Bombs and plowing through 3 cases of Miller Lite. We made a few new friends, or at least drinking buddies at the time, got some sun (some of us too much sun) and wound back up at BW’s around 11pm to take over the bar and turn the dining room into our own personal sing along/dance contest. All in all it was a great day. I even got to see, just prior to cutting the grass, an authentic African Tribal wedding in my very own neighborhood, complete with bongo drums and tribal dances...entertaining to say the least.

Sunday, June 12: Day 6 of training. Yikes, I’m tired. I don’t think I have much more in me today than some sitting by the pool and watching TV. The Underworld has taken its toll, on me, she said goodbye too many times befororore. My heart is breaking…ok, enough. I’m still bitter about that pizza taking an hour to get there.

Wednesday, June 15: Well, I’ve had a couple of days off, freshened up a bit, and had some time to reconsider the direction of my life. I decide Monday and Tuesday did not go in the direction I wanted, so I head back to the bar. Oh my, it’s Wednesday…I hear at this one bar they have dollar drafts! Josh, Jennie, and I go and verify that they do in fact have dollar drafts, but after last week’s 6 hour happy hour, we decide to play like the mid-twenties (oh, well, I guess I’m really the only one who falls in that category at this point…at least for a few more days) adults we are and limit ourselves to a 2 hour happy hour and head home. Responsibility is a tough thing, especially since there is no immediate gratification associated with it. There tends to be a lot more reward with drinking until the waitress starts looking at you funny and talking yourself into thinking that you really only need about 4 hours of sleep in order to go to work. But I did feel better about myself in the morning, so I guess not all is lost.

Friday, June 17: Another weekend is upon us and there’s a lot on the horizon to look forward to. People we know are getting married Saturday and there are a lot of visitors coming into town that we are also friends with. I’m struggling to put a title on Friday’s activity since it was such a great time, so I’ll just let you fill in your own title, especially if you were there. But the general gist of it was a ton of people who like to get drunk going out and doing just that. There was a return trip to Stan’s included in the night and Stan’s treated me similar to how it did the last time I was there. I am still trying to figure out if that is a function of the bar or just a function of me on Friday night. Some of the themes from that night at Stan’s revolved around Long Island’s, shots, molesting people, and taking off my clothes. I think I recall some sort of pseudo pole dance too, even though Stan’s is a regular bar not one of those types of bars…

But I managed to pull it together and stay up drinking pretty late…even got to sing along to a few Pat Dailey songs at the end of the night. Poor Dailey the dog though…had to spend all night in his crate since Mommy and Daddy were too drunk to make it home. Oh well, he survived and so did we.

Saturday, June 18: The Dallas Arboretum is a lovely place. Just by looking at it, you kind of forget you are in Dallas. Lots of trees, plants, ponds, fountains, and an overwhelming green aura about it make it a great setting for an outdoor wedding. But then you realize you are in fact, in Dallas. That it is June and it’s 98 degrees outside. A thick, muggy 98 degrees. And the reception is also to be held in this thick, muggy, 98 degree mess. But, as with most weddings, free drinks can smooth over any tense situation and I intended on getting free drink drunk. So I did.

Post reception, we head to Humperdink’s, a bar near the hotel. It was pretty standard post-wedding reception fare…more drinks, several shots, guys hitting on girls, guys trying to convince one twin that it would be really hot to make out with her twin sister, drunken groups of guys telling off-color jokes, blacking out for moments at a time, and then returning to the hotel to make them wish we never stayed there. Cudos to Josh for packing a cooler for hotel drinking, I think I would have gone to bed when we got home, but since there was more beer, why not stay up until 4:30 drinking? Day 11 of my training and I am finally starting to see results…a near 12 hour heavy drinking binge and I manage to go to bed under my own power. Impressive, most impressive.

Sunday, June 19: Well, Saturday was not without its casualties as I had to spend 2 hours in The Doubletree parking lot waiting for the tow truck to come to get Carie’s car, which had decided to crap out on us. At least I got to chow down at Panda Express…hmmmm…low mein…

Tuesday, June 21: Today was my team building summit at work. We all get together, talk about what we did right and what we did wrong so far this year, then go out and have a good time. The trick is, going out with your team from work and going out with your drinking buddies are two different things. So you kind of have to behave yourself, but you quickly become irritated that not everyone can hang out like you. Maybe it’s not so much that they can’t hang, but the fact that you have to waste your time pretending like you are having a good time even though you sitting there thinking to yourself “these guys are a bunch of chumps”. Having them watch me in awe as I systematically cleaned each of them out in Texas Hold Em was priceless. I’m no Worm or Mike McD, but I might have well been on that day. I’ve managed to personally eliminate all 5 of the other players at the table. Sad.

So with game 6 of the NBA finals tonight, I figure I should at least parlay my day of pseudo fun into real fun and head to BW’s with Josh and Jennie. This turned out to be the greatest decision of my life because it resulted in “The Bet” where I can make Jennie finally acknowledge that Ohio St football is a notch above the Florida Gators, Urban Meyer or not. I can’t wait until 2013 when Jennie is running her mouth about the Gators and I don’t even have to say anything. I can just hold up the picture of her, completely outfitted in Scarlet and Grey, with a Brutus the Buckeye sticker tattooed on her cheek and nod my head. Thanks for playing.

Thursday, June 24: San Antonio’s game 6 loss meant there would be a game 7, so that means I have to go back to the bar and drink. Again. There was a pretty big crowd for the game – Josh, Jennie, Chad, and Melissa came to cheer on the Spurs. I was quite pleased with the outcome of the game, however I was quite displeased with BW’s, my home away from home, the bar to which I stay so loyal. Apparently, there has been this “Blazin Wing Challenge” that has been going on for quite some time AND NOBODY DECIDED TO TELL ME ABOUT IT. I am only in there every other day, ordering wings and drinking beer. There’s really no excuse for this behavior. Eat 12 Blazin wings in under 6 minutes? That’s not a challenge, that’s a snack.

Upon hearing of said challenge, I decide to dive in head first. I manage to go through 12 wings in 2 minutes, 41 seconds and am rewarded with the most wrinkled free t-shirt I have every seen, my picture to be hung in the bar (I assume), and a mouth full of fire. And although the t-shirt appeared to be “free” I believe my [banned] has been paying for it this morning. After the third trip to the crapper, I could barely return to my desk and sit down as my corn hole was burning up so bad. Whatever – the Spurs won, or more importantly, the Pistons lost, I had a few more drinks, a Jaeger Bomb, and today is Friday so I get to go out again with no deadline to have to call it a night. Plus, there are only 6 days left before I return home. I can taste the chicken pit, smell the lake, and sense the chaos coming. I can’t wait.

Looking ahead between now and then, I see a few more nights out drinking, probably some time by the pool drinking, and some quality recovery time just before the trip to make sure the battery is fully charged. I plan on landing on the Island, the day of my 27th birthday, without any inhibitions, limitations, or boundaries on how drunk I can get and how much fun I can have. I may be sans spleen, but the liver still seems to be pulling through for me. So, in closing, just pick the Pat Dailey or Ray Fogg song that you know and love and start singing it in your head and start thinking about life on an Island…

Just how drunk are we gonna get, don’t ask me, I ain’t there yet…
I am barely walking, I can’t find my car. Don’t know how I got here, my house is very far…
Then…I…got so damn drunk that I threw her in the trunk cause I didn’t want anyone seein…
Cause I’ve got to be drunk to do that, I’ve got to be drunk to do that…
I want a rich dumb young nymphomaniac, who’ll ride me around in her caddilac. When she’s not on her knees, she’ll be flat on her back, I want a rich dumb young nymphomaniac…

Put-in-Bay, going for the summer get away, winter was a bummer. I got some friends there with a house where I can stay. Put-in-Bay gonna have a GOOD TIME everyday, sittin in the sunshine…if you’re looking trying to find me you can look me up at Put-in-Bay…

See you on the Island...

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Post by Taz » Wed Jun 29, 2005 5:18 pm

That was extensive, and weird, but good!
It happened at the bay, and man, I can't even remember her name!!!!!!!!!

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Post by Steph » Wed Jun 29, 2005 6:01 pm

That was great!! and can't wait to hear how your trip to the Bay goes.

Am starting to think that maybe i need to start training like that before heading to the Bay next time...

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Post by Taz » Wed Jun 29, 2005 7:47 pm

After all that I'm thinking its gonna be just fine!
It happened at the bay, and man, I can't even remember her name!!!!!!!!!

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Post by Mills » Thu Jun 30, 2005 9:25 am

I have been training for years and am a seasoned pro at this point!!!
Mills, from Cincinnati

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives!!!!

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Joined: Mon Jan 12, 2004 5:06 pm
Location: Cleveland, OH

Post by Taz » Thu Jun 30, 2005 3:42 pm

Yea, we've seen you in action............
It happened at the bay, and man, I can't even remember her name!!!!!!!!!

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